Her husband, a radical environmentalist named Michael, is angry. In the film’s first dialogue, Toller turns down an offer of help; he winces as he smiles to colleagues; his home is barren, and every conversation is a struggle, since joy and comfort and company would confirm the reality, perhaps also the attractiveness, of precisely what he is desperate to exercise right out of existence.

Their noses touch as Mary’s hair falls over Toller’s face. Like his collaborator Martin Scorsese’s Silence, Paul Schrader’s latest film is a culmination of and collision between the themes that run through his entire filmography: guilt, religion, violent revenge, and lonely, troubled men.

In our own interview with Schrader, the director describes this as “the delayed cut”, and also explains how the movie’s aversion to splitting shots up means audiences are forced to edit scenes with their own eyes. In all these performances Toller’s avowed aspiration for humble selflessness is outmatched by his desire for emotion and an irrepressible wish for a splashy finale — bombing the church, uniting with Mary, even his arch journal writing — as though, like Augustine, Toller was forever whispering, make me faithful Lord, but not yet, forever twisting out of his impossible commitment to create and leave nothing, to show no mercy, to undo the self entirely. One of the “martyrs” Michael namechecks was a real-life Catholic nun allegedly killed by assassins who were hired by loggers in the Brazilian rainforest. The film encourages its audience to consider and, frankly, to care more about the environment—a message that may not resonate equally with some Christians. Merton was deeply ambivalent about his work: writing and then receiving masses of fan mail for a 600-page autobiography is not obviously conducive to the ascetic practice of unselfing for God. The mood of this movie just makes me giddy. How is our core faith—faith in a loving, just God; in heaven; in meaning itself—shaped in such a crucible? Four books from our series and imprints + limited-edition tote + all the perks of the digital membership. God’s salvific grace more than he does.

Reading from diary entries, Toller delivers his narration in the dispassionate style of Country Priest’s protagonist (Claude Laydu) rather than, say, the self-indulgent tones of Bridget Jones.

Toller and Mary have something that looks like a surreal, New Agey religious experience later on in the movie: They lie down together (fully clothed), she on top of him. This is not the familiar existential problem of death and the specter of nihilism that hovers around it.

Then he pours himself a glass of toilet cleaner and prepares to drink it. After abandoning his decision to blow himself up at his church’s 250th anniversary ceremony, Toller replaces the vest he had donned with barbed wire, wrapping it tightly around his chest as he gasps at the sight of himself in the mirror.

Religion, First Reformed suggests, is easy. First Reformed was screened at the 74th Venice International Film Festival on August 31, 2017, and was released in the United States on May 18, 2018, by A24.

He presides over Michael’s funeral, staged at a toxic waste site with a youth choir singing Neil Young’s “Who’s Going to Stand Up?” in matching Abundant Life jackets. There is no music in the film’s first half, but now a low droning churns around Toller, first as he looks at the vest, then as he drives around town at night, stalking Balq executives. Michael is an environmental activist just granted compassionate release from a Canadian prison, in light of Mary’s new pregnancy.

“Can you imagine what the world will be like then?” Toller chuckles as though it was a rhetorical question, but it isn’t. And receive. And perhaps that’s a sentiment most of us can stand behind. Michael thinks they should abort the fetus because he does not believe children should be brought into this world. Plumber. A man and a woman share a passionate, prolonged kiss and embrace. She explains that they always tried to have as much of their bodies touching as possible. “But we can still choose a righteous life.”. Not coincidentally, the first occurs when the lonely Toller experiences a moment of great intimacy with Mary (Seyfried): the two lie face-to-face, fingers interlocked and noses touching. While Mary remains face down, Toller peeks out from under her hair like a child terrified by his own visions yet unable to look away. Schrader has described this development as Toller’s catching Michael’s “virus,” “the virus of suicidal glory.” This makes it seem as though Toller were wholly passive, transformed through sheer proximity.

Making sense of the ending feels like an impossible task for a film as deliberately perplexing as First Reformed. Does the kiss really happen or is this Toller’s fantasy?

Michael cancels their next appointment. He even begins to ask his church colleagues Michael’s question: “Can God forgive us for what we’ve done to this world?”. That’s also an apt word to describe the two scenes in which the camera breaks its lethargy. Feel free to follow him on Twitter @AsayPaul. Michael is shattered. Donate $250 to support the print edition of our Quarterly Journal, and you’ll receive an annual subscription to the journal, along with all of the perks listed above, plus a limited edition tote.

His vices include James Bond films, Mountain Dew and terrible B-grade movies. Perhaps it’s not so different now, as Toller prepares to pry the trap door off Michael’s own soul.

He spends a lot of time with Mary: he sits tensely on her couch and rides Michael’s bike with her, their smiling faces shot from below; Toller notes in voice-over that he has not ridden a bike for 20 years and is afraid he might fall; he also marvels at the “simple curative power of exercise,” fully unable to admit to its pleasure (one of a number of moments that indicate that while Toller is humorless, the film is not). An agnostic priest without any real commitments, he experiments with various and increasingly theatrical methods: prayer, writing, drinking, explosions, blood-letting in the mirror.

Just as Ida rediscovers her Catholic devotion by immersing herself in the carnal, material life, for Toller, addressing the very physical ravaging of the earth becomes a religious imperative: “Will God forgive us for what we’re doing to His creation?”. The film as a whole is an exploration of the possibility of self-annihilation in a world that both insists on our full-blown selfhood, and then promises to annihilate it for us. And there is, too, the effect of the cinematography on the actors to consider: deprived of the charity of an edit and forced to comply with the intimate demands of the Academy ratio, the performers are exceptionally vulnerable. You’ll receive the Digital Edition of the Quarterly Journal, and a Reckless Reader card that offers discounts to participating bookstores, as a gift of our thanks. He is rather exploring something deep about the aesthetic dimension of human experience, whether secular or faithful, in life and in film. First Reformed‘s is a stripped down, Spartan look that reflects Toller’s essentials-only, ascetic lifestyle – which is also mirrored in the camera’s near-total lack of motion. Esther seems to want the relationship to continue and perhaps deepen into something more committed, but Toller is unwilling to go further, emotionally.

Schrader uses a realist approach to filmmaking in this sense, although the lack of guidance from an editor opens up the possibility for audiences to unearth something abstract – something transcendental, and therefore decidedly non-realist – in the unabridged action of a scene. Print Quarterly Journal + a limited-edition tote + all the perks of the digital membership. We watch as Toller hugs his toilet bowl and retches, symptoms erupting from unknown ailments.

Every Sunday, Father Toller stands at the pulpit, offering what words of wisdom he has to give, accompanied by a rasping cough or two. Mary says no: The big-box church makes Michael uncomfortable.

He feels … real to Michael. Life is already unlivable.

So the kiss certainly is too much, bombastic to the point of absurdity. Michael’s suicide—blended with Toller’s still-searing grief over his son’s death, his own environmental leanings and (as he later learns) his own suspected cancer—sends Toller falling into his own eco-terrorist fantasies.

Or will the darkness beneath pour out like water, drowning all in its path? And yet in its jarring incongruity and indulgence, the final scene plays not as the satisfying climax of Toller’s character arc but as a kind of formal, cinematic meltdown, as though all the threatening incoherence captured in that uncanny eye-lamp was suddenly unleashed. Michael knows precisely what it will be like: the rising sea levels, the heat, the mass migration, the diseases, the panic.

Great. He will eventually break under this pressure, convulsing the very form of the film itself.

It won’t likely edify or encourage you. In interviews, Pawlikowski has explained Ida’s aspect ratio as the natural choice given its period setting. Schrader plays with the same edge that vexes Toller: we ask for genuine experience when all we want is emotion.

Throughout, then, the film’s formal rigidity and stillness strains under a steady tremor of incoherence. And it is corny, but then so are human fantasies, and so are movies. A tourist to First Reformed tells Toller a dirty joke about a pastor—one that relies a double entendre involving the word organ. If it hadn’t been for Abundant Life, the generous megachurch down the road that owns and operates the place as a sort of independent satellite church, First Reformed might’ve shuttered its doors by now.

Where First Reformed favors a minimal editing approach for the majority of its runtime, its last moments are cut with all the zeal and ferocity of an editor who’s hands have been shackled for the preceding 100 minutes.

One evening, after Toller recites Revelations 11:18 about destroying the destroyers of the earth, Mary arrives at his house. Now Toller’s exercises begin to change. This may make it seem as if Schrader is being pedantic, but he is not punishing us for this. Mary finds a suicide bomb vest in their garage. The climactic scene takes place during the church’s much-ballyhooed re-consecration service, commemorating 350 years of preaching, teaching and serving.

And isn’t it a little much to end a film as austere as this with a swirling Hollywood kiss?

The film is, after all, already laden with surreal disruptions of the ordinary narrative world: apart from the Magic Mystery Tour, there is the Abundant Life youth choir singing brightly of bathing in lamb’s blood, the dizzying close-ups of Toller’s face, the churning, distorted noise, and the incomprehensible eye-lamp that pierces the drab normalcy of Mary’s apartment, the visual equivalent of a scream no one on-screen seems to hear. So I suppose it’s fitting that First Reformed is a hard movie to watch—maybe particularly for Christians.

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